Love...

Alright, I've been thinking a lot about this lately as the conversation has come up several times for me with multiple different people. I just want to say that I detest hearing people say things like "you complete me" or "he/she is my other half". I truly feel that one must be a whole person on their own & that they should look for or find the person who compliments or enhances their life, but not the one who "completes" them. One should find their own self worth & value & they should love themselves. I mean, aren't we all created in Hos image & likeness? Therefore, we were created complete.
Similar to the law of the mirror, the way you view yourself is the way others will view you. When one party is dependent on another, there is an element that can make the relationship a drain. It makes the relationship difficult because it should be growing & evolving as both parties evolve, however, if one is co dependent, it makes it very difficult to grow in an upward or forward movement. It's almost like running on an escalator against the grain. There can be progress made, however, it will be very slow progress. One can only get so far on borrowed belief. Don't get me wrong, borrowed belief can be a blessing in disguise, however, at some point, you have to stop relying on others to find your self worth & you have to find it yourself.
You know, for the very first time in my life, when Mike & I reconnected, I truly could say that I was a whole/ complete person. I could say that I didn't need someone else to validate that I was a good person or to fulfill me. I had found my own self worth & I knew who I was & I was a complete person on my own. In fact, I told Mike I was completely happy on my own, but that I wanted him in my life because he added to it. I wanted him in my life not because I NEEDED him, but because I wanted him there. I still feel that was the very best description I could have ever given of it. & I truly meant every word. & I still feel that way to this day.
Another thing I believe is very true about love... It gets confused with many other emotions. By this I mean that I believe true & genuine love is completely selfless & only wants the absolute best for the one you love. I think it is very true that you can love someone but not be with them. I think sometimes, the ultimate sacrifice of love is letting someone go. The saying " you have to love them enough to let them go" is so very true. If you truly love them & recognize that they might be better off without you, the unconditional & selfless act would be to let them go.
None of this means it is always the easiest thing to see or even follow through on, & it's obviously not gospel, just my own thoughts, of course. With my own current situation, I can attest to the fact that I do feel this accurately describes things for me.
Do I love Mike? Absolutely. He is a good man with a good heart. Why did we end up here? Everyone comes with baggage & we all need to find our own way through it. No one can find your happiness for you & I think that based on past experiences & hurts, some things cut so deep, they take a while to get over. They cause insecurities & you work through them in your own time. & again, depending on how much hurt & pain & how deep the scars, they can take quite a bit of time. In my own life & from my own experiences, I can say I had deep seeded insecurities & feelings of complete worthlessness. My father wasn't in my life for as long as I could remember, I always felt I was never good enough for my mom, I had 'friends' who I later found out, only liked me for who I was related to, etc.. etc.. I threw myself into a spiral of bad choices based on how I felt about myself. I was in a fairly healthy relationship with my high school sweetheart & I sabotaged my own happiness thinking it wouldn't last. I then chose relationships based on how I felt about myself & what I thought I deserved. I was nearly 20 before I realized that I had to be happy with me first & that I had to be able to look my own self in the mirror. There were 2 defining moments that woke me up to this realization. The first was that I read a poem in the paper that had been published on my birthday. It is called 'The Man In The Mirror". The second was reading Leo Buscaglia's book titled "Love". They both made me aware of things I had never thought about. I had been looking to others to fill a void that only I could fill. I learned that you can only love to the capacity that you know, so if you stop learning & experiencing things in life, you stop growth of love, of your own progress, of everything. I made the choice that I never wanted this to happen. & I have lived by that truth since.
As for Mike, I love him very deeply, but I realized a few things. First, is that his insecurities lead him to self sabotage his own happiness in many ways. Second, until he can make peace with himself & his own life, I don't think he will ever be truly happy & at peace. He desperately wants it, but can't seem to allow himself to get there.
With Mike, he doesn't see that I never wanted him to give up any of his goals & dreams & I would have stuck by him while he pursued them. In fact, the more I get to know him, the more I see that he needs to pursue them. He won't be happy until he has accomplished at least something from start to finish. He needs that desperately. & as far as everything goes, he sabotages himself & cant even see it.