Notes For A New Life

So, I have neglected to write/ blog/ journal for the past week or so, not because I haven’t had much to say. In fact, it has been quite the opposite. My mind has been racing with so many thoughts. First off, names. Your Papa & I have picked out a few names. If you are a girl, you are going to be Leora Yuna Lee. It means the bond of compassion/ light. =) With the parents you have, you most definitely need a good sound & strong name, but also one that might be a little more forgiving… meaning, you get stubborn from both sides, so a softer edge is definitely a good thing.. If you are a boy, your name will be Zander/ Xander Joseph Lee. If you are multiples of any kind, we have talked about a few other names, but haven’t wholeheartedly decided on any of them yet. We have spoken of Teagan/ Tegan & Dante/ Dontae. Your Papa at one point brought up Libbi and Mena. I personally really like Lena too, however I am not too sure about what the meaning is yet. Meaning is everything.


I am daily overwhelmed with thoughts of you. What you will be like when you are born. I have no doubt that even your Papa & myself don't quite know what is in store for us when it comes to you. You are going to be very conscious & fully aware so quickly. of this I am certain. I can't wait to see how much you teach us. 

I digress. Let me see if I can sum up all the things that have been going through my mind lately. I have been so nervous. I mean all I think about is you & wanting to give you the very best life has to offer. The past few days, I have been researching different types of births & healthy diet options & stuff like that. Your first appointment is scheduled with Dr. Robert Rosenfeld. He is the doctor who helped Marishka & Jeff through her pregnancy, & since I trust Marishka & we have quite similar ideas when it comes to family, I figured he would be a good starting point. I also set up an appointment at the Mount Vernon Birth Center for a tour & to meet with a midwife there. From her about me section, it almost seems like she may be the way I want to go. She is a naturopathic doctor & a licensed midwife. She studied @ Bastyr, so I am confident she will at least be on the same page with me when it comes to the more holisitic approach to things. I did contact my insurance & they cover prenatal & postpartum appointments other than the $30 copay. For the delivery, it’s a $200 copay/ 5 day max plus having to meet the $500 deductible & the 20% coinsurance.

Bittersweet moment. Your Papa just got a job at the Penn Cove Shellfish plant. I am happy for him, but he is now unable to come with us to our first appointment. I am not sure if I can do this alone… BUT, I am not alone. You are a part of me & if I just stay in tune with you & go with my gut, all will be fine.

In the meantime, I am going to stay as relaxed as I possibly can. Your mom has a girlfriend whose name is Deva. She is a wonderful lady, both inside & out. She has an incredible intuition & she knew something was happening to your mama. =) When I told her, she was surprised @ just how right she was. She has been such an incredible help to me. She has offered the wisdom she has from her own personal experiences & she has given your Mama a moment of Zen, as you would. I was freaking out over how overwhelming everything is. & you will learn this about me, but I like to anticipate everything, so having so much info flood my mind at once just made me a little crazy. I needed someone to step in & calm me & reassure me & she did exactly that at just the right moment. 

I told your grandma almost a week ago & all of a sudden, she's been calling me more often. Your grandma, she's a character. She has some very strange views & ideas. I love her, however, we have never had the very best of relationships. I think, to some degree, I will always be a bit of a disappointment to her. I was finally able to step outside of myself to realize that she genuinely wants what is best for me. Because of this, I can overlook her constant criticisms.

Yesterday, I was telling your Papa that I don't think that even we have the slightest idea of what you have in store for us. You are going to be so bright & beautiful & amazing, both inside and out, of this I am certain. =) I was showing him the Your Baby Can Read Series Commercial & a 12 month old who was reading & understanding & he got excited about it.

Let's see. What else has been going through my mind??? I wish that I wasn't so confused about the things I am feeling. I usually have no problems telling people what I think or how I feel, however, for some reason, I am having the worst time sorting out my emotions & thoughts & feelings. It frustrates me. Your Auntie Shilo says it's the pregnancy hormones as do multiple others.

I have been talking so much about being positive, especially since I am certain that energies are passed between people & things. I can only imagine how much greater the energy is between you & I since you are literally a part of me. I bought this book called "A Holistic Guide To Pregnancy And Childbirth: Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives". It is incredible so far. I began reading it out loud yesterday for all of us, your Papa included. He says he likes it so far.