Monday, April 22, 2013
Pray Hard, Trust Harder
I came here tonight to put my thoughts down & now that I am finally here, I am at a loss for words. After being focused for so long on getting Miya stability, we have finally gotten there. We officially have a place to call our very own. I am so at a loss for the accurate words to describe the magnitude of gratitude & appreciation I feel. God is truly incredible & I must attribute this to Him... another miracle to which He deserves the credit.
Feeling the Pinch
Alright, so time is running out... Xander will be making his appearance anytime now. I am eager to meet my precious baby boy & yet feel a little guilty about how much outside static has been going on & that I feel like I haven't connected with him the way I was connected to Miya. This time around, it has been more of a protective mode & me being focused on getting us the stability we need. It's been about me pushing forward as I know he will not wait until things are in order to arrive. The last trimester has brought many surprises, including a last minute change to our original birth plan. Due to a placenta abnormality, Xander is going to be a hospital birth, however, after mulling over the details of my condition & what will be the best for Xander, Miya & myself, I am comfortable with a hospital birth. After meeting Nathan Meltzer, the OB that Carrie has referred me to, I am very comfortable with knowing that my wishes will be met in as much as they can be, bar any complications. & also, I can still labor naturally. I simply need to be where intervention is available, if the need arises. My placenta is what is called a bilobal/ bilobate placenta. It basically means that there are 2 lobes. Generally, this is indicative of twins, however, not always. If I was carrying twins, there is a singleton now. Once the placenta is expelled, they should be able to tell me for certain one way or the other. If that was the case, that there were twins, I will of course, mourn the loss of a baby, however, I am aware that there is a plan for everything & perhaps God understood that it may have been too much on my plate to have 3 babies under 18 months. In any case, the other explanation that I was given for the bilobal placenta is that it just perhaps began growing in a funky location & needed more room, so it did what it needed to do. All that aside, the reason for the safety precautions are as follows: With a bilobal placenta, & specifically in my case, the insertion point of the umbilical cord is unknown. If for any reason during birth the cord detaches, and baby is not yet delivered, it could cause him to exsanguinate & me to hemorrhage. Also, if one of the lobes or both of the lobes detach, that could also cause hemorrhage. The good news about this is that based on the location of the placenta, neither Carrie or Dr. Meltzer are concerned about Placenta Previa... which, if it were, the statistic is 1/2 is fatal.
One thing that could be very cool about this hospital birth is that Dr. Meltzer is asking if it is possible for me to bring in my own birthing tub such to labor in. He was not opposed to it, he just had to get permission from someone else. He said I'd be the first to do it... In a sense, we'd be pioneers for water birth here is eastern Washington. I told him I'd sign a waiver if they wanted me to. :) Prayers that my request is approved & we get do do a water birth with you, precious boy!
So, in addition to trying to get everything ready for Xander's birth, I still haven't been able to get everything squared away concerning my suspended license. It seems like I am going in circles now. I desperately need my license due to the fact that I need to be able to get somewhere in an emergency, especially with the new pregnancy issues that could be problematic. & when Xander is here, it will be even more emergent to be able to drive if the need arises.
Then I've been praying for some clarity in a decision when it comes to work as well. I am getting the impression someone's attitude is reflecting a personal issue she may have with me & not my actual work, although, she had every excuse under the sun for telling me in no uncertain terms she has been babysitting me & that my clientele is not mine & that I am contracted by them. I am a bit perplexed by that as there has never been a contract signed to that effect. Also, there has never been any contract signed, however, I was fairly certain that I was self employed, but renting out a room, so... & if that is the case, & I am being treated as an actually employee & I have to answer to them, then, I need to sit down & revisit the relationship as I am not getting paid, nor have I been paid for my time... especially for the times I sat down there doing complimentary chair massages & such. In addition to that, last I sat down with both of them, it was put into effect that there was no monthly $350 room rental fee, simply a 60%/ 40% split on everything I do, other than trades & such, of course. It has come to my attention that I am actually being short changed on many of the insurance clientele I have. In some cases, I am not even getting paid 10%. I am praying for clarity & wisdom in how to best handle the situation. I am not really angry by the situation, just wanting to handle it the best & most professional way I can. For one, they have done so much for my family & I do feel like I don't really know how to repay them for all their generosity, but on the other hand, I also don'e believe in mixing business & personal in general. The lines get blurred because we were given a roof over our heads, despite the fact that most of what I was making from my work was going right back to them in exchange for the roof. Then me backing into the car & scratching the bumper... I really think these 2 things have complicated the situation greatly. I want so much to tell her so many things, however, I don't want to come across as rude, angry or ungrateful, but on the same token, I would like to point out to him that in the future, when he rents to others, he needs to be clear on whether or not he is the boss & if he is, then he needs to make sure that is understood & agreed upon & also that they are paid accordingly.
One thing that could be very cool about this hospital birth is that Dr. Meltzer is asking if it is possible for me to bring in my own birthing tub such to labor in. He was not opposed to it, he just had to get permission from someone else. He said I'd be the first to do it... In a sense, we'd be pioneers for water birth here is eastern Washington. I told him I'd sign a waiver if they wanted me to. :) Prayers that my request is approved & we get do do a water birth with you, precious boy!
So, in addition to trying to get everything ready for Xander's birth, I still haven't been able to get everything squared away concerning my suspended license. It seems like I am going in circles now. I desperately need my license due to the fact that I need to be able to get somewhere in an emergency, especially with the new pregnancy issues that could be problematic. & when Xander is here, it will be even more emergent to be able to drive if the need arises.
Then I've been praying for some clarity in a decision when it comes to work as well. I am getting the impression someone's attitude is reflecting a personal issue she may have with me & not my actual work, although, she had every excuse under the sun for telling me in no uncertain terms she has been babysitting me & that my clientele is not mine & that I am contracted by them. I am a bit perplexed by that as there has never been a contract signed to that effect. Also, there has never been any contract signed, however, I was fairly certain that I was self employed, but renting out a room, so... & if that is the case, & I am being treated as an actually employee & I have to answer to them, then, I need to sit down & revisit the relationship as I am not getting paid, nor have I been paid for my time... especially for the times I sat down there doing complimentary chair massages & such. In addition to that, last I sat down with both of them, it was put into effect that there was no monthly $350 room rental fee, simply a 60%/ 40% split on everything I do, other than trades & such, of course. It has come to my attention that I am actually being short changed on many of the insurance clientele I have. In some cases, I am not even getting paid 10%. I am praying for clarity & wisdom in how to best handle the situation. I am not really angry by the situation, just wanting to handle it the best & most professional way I can. For one, they have done so much for my family & I do feel like I don't really know how to repay them for all their generosity, but on the other hand, I also don'e believe in mixing business & personal in general. The lines get blurred because we were given a roof over our heads, despite the fact that most of what I was making from my work was going right back to them in exchange for the roof. Then me backing into the car & scratching the bumper... I really think these 2 things have complicated the situation greatly. I want so much to tell her so many things, however, I don't want to come across as rude, angry or ungrateful, but on the same token, I would like to point out to him that in the future, when he rents to others, he needs to be clear on whether or not he is the boss & if he is, then he needs to make sure that is understood & agreed upon & also that they are paid accordingly.
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