Lessons My Children & my Parents Teach Me

Miya & Xander, I want to begin by addressing you two... You will forever be my sunshine & my light & my life. I can't find the words to express how much I love you. =) Although I tell you both fairly often, I want to say it again. I thank you for picking me to me your Mama & I thank God for blessing me with 2 incredibly unique, intelligent healthy, & beautiful children. 

You teach me daily that I am full of faults, however, you also teach me that I am a fighter & that I will always strive to be the mama that you can both be proud of. I read somewhere recently that success is what/ how your children describe you or talk about you to others. It gave me much to ponder.

As misguided as she may have been in some areas, it was impressed upon me by recent events that my children need me more than I need to pulse. It was impressed upon me just how much I was missing out by not being with them during the day. It was impressed upon me even more than what is obvious, how quickly they learn & grow.

I am grateful that God is so good & blesses us by answering our daily prayers. I will explain. Nora once told me how she ended up with such amazing children. She told me her daily prayer is to surround her children & family with good & holy influences, &, if there are none, that they have no friends. This has become my daily prayer & I get little signs that validate my prayer on a regular basis. People come in our lives, in unexpected ways & later, I realize that I seem to have parted ways with others. I wholeheartedly believe there is a purpose for everyone who comes in & out of our lives. Everything is intentional. It may be to enrich it, it may be to teach us a lesson we may not have otherwise learned; It may be to teach us about who we are as an individual, or it may be for us to learn how truly strong we can be.

There is a quote I just ran across that says, "Parenthood... It's about guiding the next generation, and forgiving the last." It gave me so very much to ponder. Before my children, I could never truly relate to my mom. I assumed she was off her rocker & out of touch with reality. I blamed her for being a terrible parent who never truly took the time to understand or know me. She just always seemed to have these insanely unrealistic goals of who I should be without ever truly taking a look at who I was. I never felt I could live up to her goals. After I became pregnant with Miya, I had a completely different perspective on who my mom was. I understood that, although she may have been misguided in some areas, she really was not as horrible a parent as I thought she was. Yes, she may have not gotten to know me as a person, however, she did the very best she could. I could finally see that was what she wanted all along. She wanted for me to have an easier life. She wanted me to shine, the way God had always intended for me to. I understood that she was trying to save me from my own worst enemy, which happened to be myself. But, what she didn't account for, is the strong willed personality that I was born with. Likewise, my dad also taught me a great deal about parenting.  Very similarly, He taught me mostly about the ways not to be & the things not to do, but for that, I am grateful. I talk about all of this to explain that all the mistakes I have made with my mom, and all of the mistakes that my mom made in raising me, shaped me to be a better parent. All  the mistakes I made with my dad, & all the mistakes my dad has made with me, they all have shaped me into the continuously evolving person that I am, & I wouldn't have it any other way.

Pray Hard, Trust Harder Without Waivering

I always say I will be better about blogging again, however, life seems to get in the way. In any case, here I am. So much has happened since I was last on. My blog post about praying hard & trusting harder ties into so many things. First off, the saga of my massage license... Idaho passed a law mandating all massage therapists must be licensed to practice & it would be illegal as of July 1, 2014 if we weren't. I submitted all my paperwork at the very beginning of May. The board left me in limbo not just once, but twice. People who don't know me well would tell me God was trying to teach me patience, however, my take on that is a bit different. I believe that of all the virtues, patience is not one I lack. Believe me, I lack many, however, anyone who knows my past, can vouch that I have more patience than most. I think God was trying to teach me the difference between having faith & trying to steer the ship. I have always felt like God helps those who help themselves but I sometimes take it a bit to far & try to control everything. So, the moral I gleaned from this story is that true faith requires giving it over, entirely to God. So, Idaho left me in limbo until after the 1st & because of this little tidbit, I lost my job as a pulse therapist. I have had much time to spend with my babies & reevaluate which direction I should go from here. I was completely overwhelmed by all the support I received by so many unlikely sources. In a nutshell, many of my clients stepped forward to support me in fighting for my license as a massage therapist. I was given advice on how to approach the situation. I was encouraged by friends, new & old to fight for what I believe in & what I am passionate about & what I should be doing. I contacted a lawyer who advised me to take it to the political forum. I did just that. I contacted Ron Mendive & am eternally grateful I did. When he heard my story of how I was supporting my children & myself without state assistance, he jumped right in to help me fight to get my license. The massage board approved my application to be grandfathered in for licensure. In the meantime, the lessons I gleaned from the experience were numerous. First off, I learned the difference between letting go & giving it to God, which is huge. Second, I learned that my children most definitely need more time with me than what I was providing to them previously. Third, I learned what I want my life to be like in the professional realm. Priorities should be faith, family & then job. What I was able to impart to my babes about the situation.... Everything happens for a reason & there is always a silver lining, as long as we continue to pray hard & trust harder. I was able to teach them how important it is to fight for the things we believe in & the things we are passionate about. For this, I am grateful.