Ugly Truths

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."
I have been meaning to write about this all week, but, life got in the way. A little back ground for those not privy to this before now... I did suffer from suicidal depression. After an attempt, I thank God every day for His grace & mercy in giving me that choice to confess & to seek spiritual guidance. Although, I may not be an expert, I do have experience, not only just with my own situation, but with a few others as well. I have also been an active advocate for the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. We all have a choice. That is what free will is about. Without it, I would not be here today.
With Robin Williams being in the spotlight, this week, I have read multiple articles & posts about his death/ suicide. There were a few articles, in particular, which I thought to be so very true, that I shared them on Facebook. Come to find out, people have been up in arms about the first article I posted. What takes me by surprise more than anything, is how many people who were bent out of shape, proclaim themselves to be Catholic/ Christian. Now, I say this to explain why I think the way I do. As a Catholic, we are taught & we should know that suicide is a sin. To despair is a sin. That being said, no one knows the final moments one committing this act experiences. No one can judge what their final thoughts are. That is between them & God. We can & should pray that they had a change of heart.
On a much greater scale, I find it sad that this happens at such a regular rate, yet no one takes notice until a celebrity is involved.
I believe what Matt was trying to convey when he was blogging was that there are all those who are still here... all those who are contemplating/ have contemplated suicide. We all have a choice. I believe his intent was to give hope & to let all those still here who may be contemplating suicide know that they do have a choice. To let them know that things can get better. Matt made another comment about depression & suicide being not just mental, but spiritual as well. I don't understand how anyone could not agree with that. A healthy mind will inspire a healthy body & soul. If you aren't nurturing your body properly, the mind can deteriorate. This is not a black & white subject. There are too many gray areas as everyone is a unique individual. It reminds me of a conversation where Marmee told Mike that he was like the retarded child... God would have mercy on his soul because he truly didn't know.
For those Christians saying that we don't have a choice, we always have a choice. That's what life is... it's about choices. That isn't to say that when one has a mental illness, that their choices aren't skewed. It is just showing that we are human & succumb to the temptations of the devil, who wants us to take our life. We are morally obligated to do everything in our power to prevent an evil from occurring. If we didn't have a choice, then what is this life for?

Now, a few stats for you from 2011... Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America. That means that every 13.3 minutes, someone commits suicide. Is that not a horrific figure? To all those up in arms about Matt Walsh speaking the truth, to all those up in arms saying it was still fresh & he was pouring salt in the wound, there is no time but the present! Waiting to post the truths he did wouldn't have changed the outcome for Robin Williams. He is already gone. His family is already grieving. Not waiting could have potentially prevented someone else from becoming part of that alarming statistic.
I find that even among the Christians, we are losing the notion of an objective truth. We are giving way for the belief that everything is subjective & that how we feel about something is all that matters. There is truth & there is the lie. There is no in between when it comes to that fact. It's kind of like something else I encountered recently. I was recently on a Catholic dating site. It is alarming how many people think they are Catholic, yet reject the Churches teaching on premarital sex/ holy orders/etc... Truth is truth. It will never be subjective. If you don't believe in the churches' teaching about premarital sex, you aren't Catholic. That isn't to say that those who do believe haven't sinned. But, my sin, doesn't change the truth. It simply means I am human. Those who profess to be Catholic, yet reject Church teachings, are no different that Martin Luther or Henry VIII or Calvin, etc...
Now, I find it immensely hypocritical for all those who disagreed with the blog. They are speaking of compassion & saying not to judge, yet are spewing hate to those who have a conviction & stick by it & to those who have read, in it's entirety, Matt's blog. First off, if you aren't going to read the blog in its' entirety, then you have no leg to stand on. Second, don't just read the words, but understand the meaning & motive behind them. As Catholics, why are we fighting among ourselves about something we should all have the same belief on?

Answered Prayers

Life is one hell of a crazy ride. It is happy & sad, crazy & calm, & ever so beautiful in so very many ways. Evaluating the past few months alone, gives me much to reflect on. Looking at my life, I can't help but be amazed & feel ever so blessed. It blows my mind to think that there are people out there who think there is no God or that He is an awful being to allow so much bad in this world. In all my struggles in life, I have learned that we experience the bad to help us grow. We experience the bad to remind us that we aren't meant to spend our forever here on this earth. It is about how we perceive things. Attitude is everything & an attitude of gratitude goes much further than resentment or bitterness or anger. The only person you hurt when you harbor these negative emotions, is yourself. It will eat you alive. Negativity is all consuming & drains the life right out of you. Gratitude fills you up & the more grateful you are, the more blessed you become. In my life, I know this to be true.

This past few months have been a crazy ride. I have learned so much. I have grown so much. It is incredible to me to think what God has in store for me. I have mentioned many times how I feel that everything has a reason. "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." There was a definite purpose for me being at Healing Foundations. I know I was guided there because I needed to experience PEMF therapy & all it has to offer. I needed to be there because I needed to grow as a massage practitioner. I learned more there than I ever did from any of the doctors I worked for. Stacey was a fountain of knowledge & for that, I will forever be grateful. On that note, I know & I trust God had a plan for me when I lost my job pulsing the way I did. Idaho tied up my license. I had to jump through tremendous hoops but it paid off & although I didn't get my pulsing job back, I did learn even more than I ever could have dreamed. I learned first hand what it's like to fight for what you believe in & what you're passionate about. I learned what it is to have complete faith in God's plan. Once I learned that lesson, I was granted my license. <3 p="">
Next, as anyone who knows me is aware, I am an introvert by nature. I am not shy, I just don't go out of my way to meet people. I observe more than I interact in the majority of situations. I believe things happen for a reason & when they happen, there is also a reason for that. Beth told me the other day that when she does things "out of character" she usually says her guardian angel nudged her. Well, there were a few instances where I think my guardian angel nudged me. First one is Catholic Match... It is so out of character & out of my comfort zone to do anything like that, however, maybe a month or two ago, I signed up. I would peruse the profiles & was disheartened by the lack of originality on most of the pages I viewed. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there were many good people, but none that stuck with me. The things that were important to them seemed to lack any thought of what is truly important. The standard questions asked were: What would your ideal first date be.... What would your dream vacation be...blah, blah, blah. I mean, where are the questions pertaining to the practice of the faith, the family, the meat & potatoes, so to speak?

Then, I happened upon a very unique profile. His questions gave me reason to pause. First question was about the women of the old testament & who I could most relate to/ who I most admired. The next was about wearing a veil. So, my guardian angel gave me a little nudge. I went out of my comfort zone... & we all know that if we aren't out of our comfort zone, we aren't growing... so, I took this gentleman's interview. &, since I was already growing, I figured I may as well grow some more. I took a few more, even though they weren't as eye catching as the first. I got a response to the interview questions. Now, here's where it gets funny & interesting. First thing, my response about the veil seemed to be the point of intrigue. :) Second thing, His name happens to be Michael. So far, he seems to be a man with much depth to him. I can't really explain it, but even before I heard back from him, I noticed there was a depth to him. & the interesting thing is, there wasn't a whole lot in the profile that was unusual. I can't put my finger on it, other than to say that, like Beth, I think my guardian angel was nudging me in his direction. I am embracing the experience of meeting a new friend who has similar views about more than just religion.

Then, Beth from St. Dominic's & church messaged me saying she was intrigued by all my posts & wanted to get together to know me a little better & understand my views on things. It was incredible getting to know her now, as opposed to when we were both at St. Dominic's.

As far as answered prayers, most of you already know I pray for good & holy influences in our lives daily. I also pray that if there are no good & holy influences, that we have no friends. With that being said, I have found that, again, everything happens for a reason & what may have been good yesterday, if it no longer serves that purpose of being a good & holy influence, I am finding that God is removing those things from my life. On the other hand, I am also finding that I am making some incredibly fascinating & exciting & like minded connections! May I always be open to accepting whatever or whoever it is that God puts in our path!

PRAY HARD, TRUST HARDER! Thy will be done, always!

The Minority

So, the topic at hand is the massacre happening in Gaza.

I know I happen to be among the minority who feels the way I do. I have seen multiple posts from a majority of my friends who are in total support of Israel. I have read articles from both sides & my thoughts are this.

History is never objective. It is always based on who is telling the story. For instance, if you read history from America's standpoint, you will always have a pro American take on things. If you read history from Germany or Russia, England or France, or the American Indians, for that matter, it will always be pro whatever country or race it is you are getting the story from. The only thing I can say is there will always be some fact mixed with the emotion behind the storyteller. I do my best to separate the fact from the emotion.

This war is nothing new. It has been going on for centuries & centuries. I believe it is about greed. I believe neither side is in the right. That being said, a friend put into words what I couldn't quite pinpoint. Hamas was elected. That puts it into a separate category than, say, ISIS/ Al-Sham. Although it is an elected government, no doubt, with definite problems & extremists, that makes it no different, in my opinion, from our very own president, or the president of any other country. You elect a douche, it's up to you to overthrow that government, not anyone else. Now, back on point, how can people not see the injustices occuring. There was a cease fire drawn up by Hamas that has been completely disregarded. This is about Israel feeling entitled to the land. It is about Israel claiming to be the superior/ chosen people. It's about valuing one human life above another. In my mind, even these claims can't justify the actions. For the so called "chosen", how can they disregard the law they supposedly follow? It's a matter of convenience. They pick and choose what suits their wants & desires. Putting aside the fact that Christ has come & He came & died for our sins to save all mankind, let's say the Jews are right & the Savior is yet to come. They still have the Old Testament to fall back on. Correct me if I'm wrong, but where in the hell is the desire to follow the 10 Commandments in all this???... especially when it comes to killing & coveting? In addition to that, aren't the Palestinians descendants of Abraham also? If memory serves me, Ishmael (Palestine) & Isaac (Israel) were brothers.

I also feel like we are not blameless in continuing this century old feud. Britain & France divided the lands, then, we also stepped in to help do more damage. Everyone is trying to get their piece of the pie in addition to policing how they choose to live.

I think that you are a believer or you're not. By this, I mean that there are those who claim a belief or religion & there are others who not only claim it, but live it. They don't selectively choose what they want to. I think that if you have all the facts & you disregard something, you are more at fault than if you don't know. I think God, in His justice & love, will have mercy on someone who truly doesn't know. However, if you are given the means, yet choose to ignore it, you have no excuse.

In the end, upon reflection, it seems to me that we are truly lost if all we can do is try to destroy each other. Right, wrong or indifferent, people are dying... women, children, elderly... someone's mother, father, brother, sister, daughter, son....