Your papa asked me yesterday what it's like to have you growing inside me. I think about it often, but didn't know he was interested. Let's see how well I can express this...
At times, I am completely overwhelmed by the thought of you. When I feel you moving, it's like no other feeling. It makes me happy, because it eases my mind to know that you must be happy and healthy to be so active. =) I am in awe of the thought of you... so precious & unique already. I smile because I just feel that you must be so in tune with us already. A good example of why I say this is because, it's almost like clock work, especially on the days I work. Our routine in the morning is to hit the snooze once or twice & once that alarm goes off, it's our cuddle time with your Papa. You don't usually begin moving until he cuddles us. I imagine you are giving him a fist bump or 2 every time. Then, there are the days like today & yesterday where I told your papa you were moving & he comes over & you abruptly stop with the movements, almost as if to assert that you already have a mind of your own. It's almost like you are playing a game with your Papa... 

You never cease to amaze me! Yesterday, I can't get over how different your movements were. It was very much like you were having a lazy day. No sudden/ sharp movements, just really slow & drawn out ones, like you were stretching, ALOT!!! =) Peanut, I love you! Off to our birthing class.

Firsts...

Peanut, your papa felt you move for the first time 2 days ago. He initially thought your movements were my intestines/ bowels. Then, yesterday, you gave him a really strong movement that he couldn't mistake. =D He knew it was you! Then, this morning, I know most people think I;m crazy, however, I am convinced, you know what's going on. You weren't moving until Papa said good morning to you by placing his hand on my belly. He felt you move again. =) I say you were giving him the fist bump, letting him know you are aware of him. You amaze me more & more with each passing day!

Gratitude Journal Continued...

20.) Tena: You are a beautiful & incredible person inside & out. I truly enjoyed getting to know you working beside you. You inspired me to be better every day in both my professional & personal life. Iam grateful we got to know each other while you lived here & only wish we lived closer. Next to Marishka, you are most definitely one of the best friends I have here on Whidbey. 

21.) Heather: It makes it bearable that you break up some of the stupidity next to me daily at work. I love you for that! I enjoy sharing stories with you & food & also our adventurous hike... I think about it often. We should do more of that in the future. ;)
22.) Dayna: I love you so very dearly! 2 decades I've known you & never could I have imagined how close to my heart you have become. I admire your independence & your strength of character & strength of spirit. The past year, I have grown to love you as a sister & I have enjoyed every minute we've had the opportunity to spend together & our conversations have warmed my heart beyond words. Your encouragement on this fantastic journey of a lifestyle change & self rediscovery have been so very appreciated & have kept me motivated.
23.) Corrina: You know, ever since you invited me to your home for the holidays, I felt a connection to you.& people thinking we were sisters to this day, makes my heart smile. You are someone I look up to for inspiration. I know I can always count on seeing a positive quote or thought on your facebook page. :) You inspire me to be a better person & to never forget to embrace life in every way I possibly can. I cherish our friendship, no matter how long it's been since we've been together. I look forward to our next reunion, which I think should be soon!!!
24.) 

New Goals

Alright, I have new goals set... I was inspired by a picture I saw today... I am going to work on a "Gratitude Journal". Every day i am going to write about the things I am grateful for. & I will start today. So terribly sorry if I bore anyone.

MY GRATITUDE JOURNAL
God, of course is at the very top of this list. You provide in so many ways that I don't even know where to begin. I feel like you have given me more than I deserve & I will never be able to show you the depths of my gratitude. You have blessed my life with so many incredible people & the journey I have had has taught me so much about myself & has helped me appreciate the things I have & the people you have put in my life. I know that everything happens for a reason, even when I don't understand it & knowing that helps me deal with the  tougher things that cross my path. May I always remember that the more difficult things are put there to make me stronger & I only hope that I can live my life the very best way I can to make you proud. May I never take for granted the life you have given me!

1.) Peanut: I can't wait to see what the future holds for us! I love you more with each passing day & I haven't even held you yet. I can't even imagine! & you have no idea how much you are already loved by oh so many amazing people!

2.) Mike: Life is funny & I love you! I am grateful that you are in my life. You reminded me of the fight & strength I forgot I had. You add all sorts of layers to my life that I never knew existed. You taught me the difference between loving someone & being in love. ♥

3.) Shilo: No matter what, you will always be my sister. You are a beautiful & amazing mom & you have inspired me in so many ways. You have believed in me when even I didn't believe in myself, you have loved me  & supported me through some of my worst & best times. There is no one like you! We have laughed & cried together. I thank God for you every day & if I don't tell you enough, I love you & appreciate everything about you & everything you have done for me! ♥

4.) Rick: Growing up, although we weren't close in age, I looked up to you & as time has gone by, I have learned that , even if we aren't that close, you love me like a brother should & have always tried to mediate, in your own way between mom & I.

5.) Mom: although we have had our many differences & fights & everything in between, I now know you always loved me & always did what you thought was for the best. I have an appreciation for the fact that our relationship dynamic has changed & I am happy for that.

6.) Dad: I am grateful for the times we spend. I love you & hope you know that!

7.) Erika: Soul mates on so many levels! I am beyond grateful we connected & excited that we have such a connection. I am thrilled we are on the same journey with our lives... Parallel lives in so many ways. ;) I love you & only wish we lived closer!

8.) Pam: You add so much to my life, from amazing friendship, to great massages, to fantastic company & conversation & advice. You are just a one of a kind & I would miss you if you weren't in my life! I so love our massage trades & our crazy antics & am beyond excited to be on this MonaVie journey with you too! & I also can't forget, I am grateful for your amazing Green Chile Stew!!! Totally rocks!

9.) Kari: It still makes me laugh to think how when we first started hanging out, you told me I was so inspiring to you. You inspired me the moment we first began talking in depth. You gave me so many reasons to be grateful & to continue my life's journey. To see how you handle so many things & all with such grace & no complaints! You are a constant reminder that god will not give anyone more than they can handle & I admire your strength! I am still in awe of you! I love you & can't imagine my life without such a wonderful person!

10.)  Chey: Sweet, sweet girl! You came into my life in such a unique way. I think God knew we needed each other to some degree. You mean the world to me, dear friend. I cherish & miss our coffee dates. I only wish we met sooner & that you still lived close by... ;) Also, I am grateful to you for the inspiration on a certain process of putting into words the things I value, whether they be related to people or just things in life, in general. My lists have continued to change my life. We must chat soon & I'll tell you all about it! Love you!

11.) Erin: Never could I have imagined 2 or so years ago that Jacinta introducing us would be such an incredible blessing in my life. You are truly a one of a kind & I never thought for one second until recently that we could have so much in common. Our talk the other day gave me a whole new perspective to who you are as a person & not just as a business woman. I have the utmost respect for you on all levels & truly look to you as a role model for the kind of mom I hope to be. The morals & values & thoughts on those subjects in addition to religion & business & family & life are all things I think of when I think of family & the way life can be. Your giving nature is admirable. Thank you again for your time!!! I can't wait to get to know you better! Incredibly inspiring  keeping me motivated every day!

12.) Amanda: Miss Amanda, you know I love you! You kicked my ass into gear without even realizing it. If it weren't for you, I would have lost the 90 + lbs I have & been so focused & determined to live healthier & achieve the things I want for my life. I wish you could truly know what it is you did for me! You are like a little sis to me & I am grateful we can be on this journey together! To our future!!! ALL of us!!!

13.) Dr. Nash: You put up with all my craziness & my bluntness & you accept me for me & don't care that I may step on your toes a time or 2. You handle it quite well, especially after hearing everyone say that you are so set in your ways & I take you out of your comfort level so often. I love our talks, both work related & life related. You are inspiring on so many levels. I have the utmost respect for you as a boss. & I truly believe that you emulate the kind of family life & professional life I want to have, always. Genuine, honest, caring, compassionate, good natured, comical, and you take everything in stride.

14.) Marianne: You are amazing! I have come to know you as not only a boss, but as someone so level headed & full of wisdom & advice. You are always supportive & non judgemental. You are good natured & comical. I hope to be the kind of mother you are & I value your friendship & thank God for putting you in my life. The most saintlike people/ family I know! You don't have to "practice" your religion, because you live it every day! inspiring on that religious & moral level too!
15.) Xarisa: You knew me at a low point in my life & I am glad you moved back to get to know me now. I am excited to be on this journey with you in all regards, most especially the schooling & our new journey! Here's to success in every aspect of our lives... & our dream/ vision boards! Love ya!
16.) Deva: =)Not even sure where to begin. I love how in tune to me you are & how before I had told anyone, you just knew some big changes were ahead of me! I still smile thinking about that post you made on Facebook. Peanut has already changed my life in oh so many ways & I am grateful to have a friend with so much wisdom & GOOD advice to offer! Your words have helped center me & find my inner calm. They have helped me realize how much of a blessing in every way this pregnancy is & how much of a miracle every child is. Because of you, I listen to Peanut & my body & I take time outs & do what it is I feel is needed. I am at peace with everything about this beautiful pregnancy. I wish we lived closer still... or that we would have made more coffee/ lunch dates before you moved back to California. However, I am grateful for the times we did have & that we are still in touch.
17.) Marishka: You were truly my first & best friend here on Whidbey. I felt a connection to you on so many levels. =) I have enjoyed all of our family talks & work talks & the camaraderie we share at work with all of our jokes. I am grateful beyond words that the professor & Marianne hired you back!
18.) Shalie: You were such fun to get to know & I loved working with you & hanging out with you outside of work too!. I only wish we started hiking sooner or that you still lived near by. I also enjoyed our painting excursions & who could forget the night of packing before you moved... :'( You are missed & I can't wait to see you again & also to come visit!!! It will happen!
19.) Paula: Oh Paula, how I miss you! When I first met you, I would get so frustrated at your lack of organization & timeliness... then, I decided to use it to my advantage & the rest is history... ;) You know I love you & miss you terribly! I have such great memories of us laughing at random crap during work & always the back & forth with us... You most assuredly kept me on my toes. I am grateful for the opportunity to work with you & most especially to get to know you. I can't wait for you to be back on this side of the globe!!! XOXO

I believe...

... that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
... that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
... that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
... that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
... that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
... that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
... that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
... that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
... that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
... that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
... that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. 

... that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
... that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
... that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
... that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
... that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
... that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
... that no matter how badly your heart is broken, the world won't stop for your grief.
... that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
... that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
... two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
... that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
... that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
... that credentials on the wall do not necessarily make you a decent human being.

... that family is the most important thing in the world.

... that truly learning about other cultures is an awesome gift.

... that nothing sounds better than laughter.

... that kissing in the rain is totally overrated.

... that people may look down on me because I like to have a good time, but at least I'm not sitting at home missing out on life.

... that you should be as generous as you can afford to be, because there are so many people in the world who have nothing.

... that a smile can open so many doors.

... that my life will straighten itself out someday soon.

... that only we can limit ourselves.
... that where there is a will there is always a way, so long as you believe it.
... that perseverance and determination can get you farther than you ever imagined possible.
... that everything happens for a reason, even when we may not understand it.
... that God always answers our prayers! He sometimes says no, or not right now, but that it's always best.

... that no matter how much you love someone, sometimes it will never work out.

... that missing someone you will never see again gets harder with time, rather than easier.
... that the people you care about most in life are usually taken from you too soon.