View continued...

So what else do I see in him? I see a consistent doer, not a talker. I see a man who, from all outward appearances, has had a seemingly drama free life and who has no baggage. But the thing is, we all have baggage, just in different ways and different degrees. I see a man who, either because of, or in spite of his critical father, chose to become a man of unwavering integrity. I see someone who doesn't quite understand how incredible he is. Not for one moment has he shown himself to be anything but genuine. If anything, he says, I'm only me, or I'm just being me. He speaks highly of his mama. He speaks respectfully yet honestly of his dad. It is apparent he loves his niece and nephew. And it is more apparent by the videos I saw that his niece adores him. Animals also love him. If I believe anything in this life, based on my own experriences, it is that I sometimes trust children and animals more than myself. They haven't yet been jaded or tainted by this harsh and cold and cruel world. They still have an innocence about them. It speaks volumes when children and pets don't like someone. Children, other than Andrew's niece have commented about him. My littles have commented. They ask to talk to him or see him. They want to show him things or say hi. Then, Xander's godmama showed her boys the picture of us on facebook and the boys said he looked really nice and also said they'd like to meet him.

More little details... I found our silences said just as much as our actual conversations. It is rare to find someone who you can sit in silence with and still be comfortable.

:) I was once asked what it is that I look for in a partner and potential spouse. My answer has changed more times than I can count. But this time it's a great deal different. Suffice it to say I have done enough things wrong to finally know the right. Things that to me are important, would be similar views on Faith, family and politics. Breaking it down a bit more would be the same rite of practice and someone who prays and who sees the value in praying together. Someone who's family values are similar... Wants children, has similar views on how to raise them, similar views on the roles of a husband and wife. And with politics... Someone who is aware.

And again, what sets him apart and what do I see in him? All those things he thinks are so common... Perhaps they should be, however, they aren't. In a different world, in a better world, there would be more men like him. He is a diamond in the rough and part of his beauty and charm and grace comes from the fact that he is humble about it and doesn't see himself as anything extraordinary. 

He prays, he initiates prayer with us, he shows me on a consistent basis that he cares for me. It speaks volumes to have someone who initiates most contact. It shows they are thinking of you enough to text or call, but not to the point of an obsession.

I have always had a difficult time allowing people, even my own family, to just do something for me. Previous life experience has taught me to be cautious of anyone who offers something because they most likely want something in return. That is why I never allowed anyone to pay for me. I don't want to be indebted to anyone.With Andrew, I never felt that way.

He is such an incredibly open minded, good hearted, free thinker. I love that he challenges me to continue questioning. I love that he doesn't think my thoughts are so crazy and off the wall like most do. I don't at all have the fear that I will starve emotionally, mentally, or in any other way. I appreciate the fact that he seems to understand that it takes two whole people to have a whole and healthy relationship. I love the fact that he is supportive of me as a mom and massage therapist. The little things, like him randomly telling me I am a good mom and a good person, tell me that he truly appreciates me.

He isn't afraid to step out of his comfort zone, and that's the forst sign of someone who isn't afraid to grow himself. He never has to claim to be an alpha person, because a true alpha person doesn't need to convince anybody. They just are. Their actions prove it. And his repeatedly prove it.

View From Someone Else's Eyes...

How does one describe what they see in someone else? Where do you begin? How do you find words for the things there aren't words for? I suppose I'll start at the beginning. A little over a year ago, I joined the online dating world as I was told it was unhealthy for me to have such a limited adult interaction and I was also encouraged to make an effort to seek a spouse who would be a good and virtuous role model and father figure for littles. I messaged less than a handful of people. I built a good friendship with one of the gentlemen I began communicating with. I heard from one other guy I had messaged, but the conversations quickly fizzled. I will be honest in saying that in regards to the dating scenario, my heart wasn't fully in it, so I I took 3/4 months off. I rejoined in December and that was when I found the chat room. In the chat room, I "met" this particular man... the one I had contacted but hadn't heard back from. He was in the chat room frequently and I got to know him in there. He was always kind with a seemingly good sense of humor. He always seemed fairly positive and easy going. I never attempted to contact him again and eventually, he vanished from the chat room. Life went on and my mom and brother came for a visit at Easter time. I told them about Catholic Match and then showed my mom a few of the people I had contacted, Andrew being one of them. Her response to every one of the guys I showed her was that they were too old or too young. The thing I had found the first time around on Catholic Match was that everyone was so cookie cutter. They all seemed as if they had no original thought, or, at least no deep thought. They all seemed that they weren't interested in deep thought or that it didn't really matter to them. Their profiles were either done up like they were an overexaggerated resume, or like they were deflecting or too vague. The people I did choose to contact were those who had original thought, or who seemed the most genuine in how they came across. In fact, one of the guys I had been discerning about who I had grown fond of, I had just reached a conclusion on. I was able to tell him so and then Andrew showed back up in the chat room.

Let me begin with why I first was drawn to him and why I contacted him. First, I will say that it truly was a gut instinct. His profile was quite genuine and simple. I did see something in his eyes and smile that I liked. And, although I didn't hear back from him personally until this last time in chat, the very night he showed back up, he messaged me asking for my number. He was the first person to ask me for my number. We chatted and have been in touch every day since.

To continue on to what I see in him, most especially after we had an in person meet and first series of dates. I see an incredibly amazing man... A gentleman, chivalrous, someone of high integrity, honest, humble, respectful, courteous, thoughtful, attentive, considerate, virtuous, passionate, caring, observant, humorous, romantic, easy going, open minded, a free thinker, intelligent, a reader, someone who cares deeply for those he loves, a man of few words, a man full of surprises, kind hearted, compassionate, low drama, thirsty for knowledge (especially in areas of faith and politics), someone who keeps up with me :). I come off as an intense person, who is quite passionate about everything in life. I have an insatiable curiosity about nearly anything and everything in life. My opinions are off putting for most.

How do I put into words a man who answered my interview questions right in line with how I view life, family, politics, and love? First off, I have always known that whoever it was that chose to be in a relationship with me, would have to be someone beyond fantastic.... someone extremely special and unique, someone exceptional. I have to say that it's rare for someone to answer nearly every single question the way I would have. So, how do you put into words a man who exceeds any and all possible expectations? I have met some incredible men. There have even been a few who have wanted to marry me and who I grew quite fond of. They have heard the abridged version of my all too colorful past with Mike and they were okay with it or they weren't. There was a difference in the way Andrew responded to the situation. With the others, it was like they didn't even really take any of it in or process it. They immediately jumped to, are you over him, and that seemed to be nearly it. With Andrew, he was never anything but open and honest. He took time to process. His initial reaction, when he did respond, was that everyone has a past and that I deserve to be spoiled and that Mike made him yellow. He was the very first person who seemed to take the time to process my all too colorful past. He prayed about it and came back saying that it may have been too much and he felt we could only be friends. That was the most raw and honest response I think I could have gotten. There were no mixed signals. To be honest, I didn't think I would hear from him again. The man of surprises... :) I not only heard from him again, but he checked on me to see if I was alright. A day after that, he mentioned he again prayed about everything. I point blank asked him if he liked me. He said yes, and to clarify, I asked him if it was just as friends. He said no, so I asked where that left us. He apologized for having a totally human and natural reaction to the things he had been told. He apologized and asked for us to begin again in getting to know each other, if I would be willing to give it another shot. He wasn't put off by my big questions and even bigger opinions.

Out of everyone I have chatted with, although I was fond of several, some of the other things that stood out about Andrew was that from the beginning, I was quite comfortable and at ease. I never felt pressure or uncomfortable. He challenged my mind. Some of the things I always wondered about.... if I were to enter into a relationship, would he get bored? Would I emotionally, intellectually, or mentally starve? He was a self starting learner and a very free thinker. He didn't shy away from discussions about faith, family, or politics. Without input from me, I knew he had a thirst for knowledge, especially about faith and politics. He began telling me about questions he was having with the faith and his particular parish. With the others, it was more a matter of me presenting questions to them that made them question. 

On to the meet and first date/ series of dates... we had spoken of wanting that first meet/ date. The possibility seemd slim unless he came here. Then, my friend, Elise told me that I needed to go and meet him. She said that she knew he was different from the others I had chatted with. She could tell. She brought up that she knew I was fond of some of the others, but that my reaction with him was different and more of what it should be when thinking about a relationship with someone. She said with the others, it was more as if, I was trying to stay so open to the possibility, that I took out all of my emotion from the equation. So, she told me I had to figure out a way to meet him and said she would watch babes for me. I prayed about it and figured that if it was meant to be, then something would present itself. Well, that was exactly what happened. Gladys, messaged me saying she wanted to take me up on my offer for visiting us and that she wanted to trade me massages and mat sessions for a plane ticket back from CA. She would drive me back. I took that as a sign that I was supposed to meet him. So, it happened. Our first meet was incredible. I figured we'd meet and decide if we wanted to continue on with our first date or not. Didn't figure it would be more than an hour. He turned our first meet into an impromptu date. He arrived and wanted to pray immediately. It was such a wonderful thing! There was silence, but none of the silences were awkward or uncomfortable. He helped me up. He carried my purse. He offered me his arm or hand to hold. We walked the beach and the pier. He bought me lunch. There was no pressure. He was sweet and funny and gentlemanly. He spun me around a few times randomly. As we were parting ways, he walked me to the car. We passed the church and he suggested that we go in and pray, so we did. He walked me to my car. The next day, we met for our first official date. He was so considerate and attentive and thoughtful of the things we had discussed. He took into account the fact that I don't like overpriced and overcrowded places. Cooking a meal was the best idea he could have had. It was such a wonderful way of getting to know each other and seeing how we work together in a relaxed setting. Even the grocery shopping part was fun. While we were together, he also mentioned littles multiple times. So, our first official date was to the grocery store. By the time we got home, it was late and I was pretty tired. We agreed to make dinner the following night. Ever the gentleman, I never felt as if he was going to take advantage of me in any way. He gave me a room downstairs. He had his room upstairs. The next morning, he made me a shake and we headed up to Manhattan Beach to the AVP Tournament. It was beyond incredible to have him let me into such a big part of his life. It was wonderful to see him in his element, enjoying something he loves so much. I have to admit, I had a truly incredible time! I had never been to a beach volleyball event of any kind. I used to love playing, but haven't in years. Seeing Andrew come alive and also continuously checking to make sure I am okay and having a good time or if I need anything. Again, he also held my hand, and offered to carry my purse. The entire day was incredible. I don't even have the words to explain. And as if the day wasn't good enough, we ended it by cooking our meal together. It was so much fun! I got to show him something I love, which was a huge plus, but the fact that he wanted to help and learn was just as great. Something that blew me away was how he always checked on me to make sure I was comfortable and felt safe.  And back to the original thought... Dinner turned out spectacular. As we were talking, without even thinking first, I let it slip out that I love him. He didn't even flinch. I got more flustered than he did. A few minutes later, he mentioned how he liked how things were going and that he would like to see where it leads. He brought up meeting respective parentals and littles. We spoke of parents a bit. We found out my mom and his dad are quite similar. They show their love by criticism. There was so much to process and take in. It's hard to put it all down, especially as I remember little details. Such as how he was so respectful and how we kissed or hugged or how I would rub his neck and how I noticed him shy away a bit. I stepped back as I know that one of my love languages is physical touch... obviously, look at what I do for a career :). There were little things I noticed, such as at the tournament, I stepped in front of him to allow others to get by me. His hand grazed my butt and he apologized over and over for it. Then, after I backed off, he eventually began taking my hand and putting it on his neck. Some of the other little things I think of... I seriously thought we'd get like 3 dates together, as he had to work and had previous plans for the weekend and such.  Well, he surprised me in that after checking to make sure I was comfortable and felt safe, he said he would like to spend more time with me. He was concerned about what I would do while he was at work though and I could tell he felt strange/ bad about just leaving me on my own all afternoon. I had him drop me off at the beach in Laguna. He made sure to tell me several times to call or text if I needed. He checked on me during his breaks. He also brought up inviting me with him to Manhattan Beach again, but warned me that the friend he was going to go with was a bit of a womanizer. Another thought out date after he got off work, was him taking me to In n Out. To most, it doesn't seem like much, but to me, it meant a lot. He knew I hadn't been in years and that I wanted to go. The next day,we spent at Manhattan Beach again. And again, it was such a blast. But the things that stuck out to me was first, the hat... So, all my time in the sun from the days before, I got a ton of vitamin d, to the point I was like a crab with racoon eyes. When we first got there, we went to the store to grab water. Andrew, on his own, picked out and bought a hat for me. He took me by such surprise. It was such an incredibly thoughtful gift. He had no clue that I love hats, which was what made it so dang special. He did it simply because of how red I had gotten from before. When I mentioned it, all he said is it was the right thing to do, he's glad he did it and he would have done it again. That is not something anyone would have done because most wouldn't even think about something of that nature. At the end of the day, when we were heading back to the car, holding hands, we passed by the firehouse that had a safe surrender sign on the door. I had my sunglasses and hat on. We had been casually chatting but also had silent moments on the walk back. Well, when we passed the safe surrender sign, I got a little choked up, but not to the point of it being something that anyone would notice. Well, Andrew did. The man was so observant, he noticed and checked to be sure I was alright. That blew me away more than anything else I think. I was married to a man who wasn't half as observant. I have littles with someone who clearly had no clue about who I am or what motivates me. Then, as we crossed the street, a little old lady hollared at us trying to tell us that we have the right of way and that traffic has to stop for us. Andrew went back to try to give her a hand, but the spunky little lady turned him down. It made my day to see him go back to attempt to help her. When we got to the car, Andrew mentioned again that he was also pleasantly surprised at how well things had gone. We agreed to go to Latin Mass together in the morning before parting ways. Our last night together was spent checking on puppies and then, stargazing for a small while. I was on the deck and Andrew came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and putting his head on my shoulder. It was at that moment that I felt him let go. It was almost as if he allowed himself to trust enough to hug me like he wanted to or meant it. I knew he was comfortable and also felt safe in that moment. That was a huge moment for me to see him allow himself to be vulnerable. I know what it's like to let your guard down and be vulnerable. I also know what it's like to be broken and shattered because you let your guard down with the wrong person. Sunday morning, what stuck out, was Andrew, again initiating prayer before we even left for Mass. Yet another one of the best moments, was Mass... being able to share such a huge part of who I am with him. It was one of the most special parts of me and felt incredible to be able to share it with someone who was so receptive to it. That was a part of me that took me years to find again and the part of me that I had not shared with anyone since high school.

Since I've been back, there are so many things that I can say and point out about how he still never fails to surprise me. Although he doesn't say he loves me, his actions prove it on a consistent basis. Contact... he is more often than not, the first one to contact. It's on a daily basis. He brings up littles regularly. He never leads me on. He always seems to know just what to do or say, without even trying. When he does say things, I have no doubt he means it. For instance, at one point, he brought up wanting to know that when he dies, he can tell God he did things right. On a few other occasions, he has mentioned that he likes to pray with me and that he's a sinful man and he falls daily and to pray for him. Or another one... is that I make him happy. Talking religion has been wonderful and knowing he reads and has a natural interest in bettering himself and our faith is awesome. Talking politics has been soo incredibly fun! It's wonderful to know that someone can appreciate me for all my off the wall thoeries and thoughts.

So, back to viewing someone through another's eyes. To him, he is just a simple man. He stumbles and falls, but he tries. He does what he thinks any man would do. It's hard to give a glimpse into someone else when words fail. To me, I see a man who is honest... even in how he answered my interview questions... he was the only one who chose the St. Augustine quote, which is huge! Everyone else, except for one other, chose the St. Joseph quote. Makes me wonder if they chose it because it is how they thought I would like them to answer or if it was the one they could truly relate with the most. The fact that he was able to look beyond my past, in itself, is bigger than he can even fathom. Although marriage isn't on the table just yet, the fact that he is fully aware and chooses to be with me. The fact that he mentions babes is more than many men would even think to do. To choose to be in a relationship with someone who has baggage and children and a crazy ex, that alone sets him apart from literally eveyone else. 

This post is to be continued at a later time...