The first area is Faith... I have been praying for quite some time about wisdom to discern where I should be, or rather where God desires that we end up... between the SSPX, the FSSP, and the Resistance, my research has led me to lean more toward the Resistance. My conflict comes more from the fact that my cousin, James, is an SSPX priest & James just entered the seminary in Winona; then, Fr. Hewko is no longer with the SSPX, but with the Resistance. It all makes sense to me when I hear his reasons for taking the stand he did. Then, when I speak to Fr. Carlisle or James, they believe it was preemptive as no agreement has officially been reached. So, I pray daily for wisdom & guidance... to discern where it is that God wants my little family to land.
Next two, my family and my job... my babes are my entire life and my whole world. I am bound and; determined to do right by them, at all costs, in all areas of life. I tied these two together because they go hand in hand. this area has been so unclear because, rebuilding my business has been met with challenge after challenge. I keep moving on, but somehow, due to all the challenges, I have lost sight of where I am supposed to be headed and how to get there. It is as if I have this amazing tool, thanks to my mom, but, I am having the most difficult time finding steady, reliable childcare so that I can get back to a steady client base that will support and sustain us; transportation has also made it quite difficult to market. It's as if I was blessed with this mat and then, even though I thought I saw the direction I should be heading, I became uncertain. I am not sure whether it is fear of failing that is holding me back or the uncertainty of how to get to the end goal or the not knowing if that is the path God intends for us... for me, to be on. And, of course, I pray for wisdom to discern what my true path is and perseverance to press on forward. And the other part of this family equation... A potential partner/ spouse/ father figure... I resigned on Catholic Match back in December because I realize that I do deserve to have a partner/ spouse in my life. It is not out of grasp. I am lacking in the socializing department and I thought about the fact that, if nothing more, it would be good for social interaction with people above the ages of 1 and 2. :) This time around, I went into it surrendering myself to His plan. I know I can do this alone, I have been from the beginning. I also know I don't have to and it would be amazing to have someone to share my life with who will love my babes as their own and who wants to be there. I am happy with who I am, although it has taken a long time to get there. I love my life, but it doesn't mean that there aren't times that it gets overwhelming and that I don't wish that there were someone there to lean on and to lend a hand or a shoulder or support. I don't want those moments of overwhelm to overshadow the end result.... God's will for me. I have met some incredible people this time around as well. For starters, I met Kara, my very potential nanny for the summer. She is an amazing person & I am exstatic to actually meet her on Friday! She is coming for a visit to meet us in person and see if it is really what she wants to do. Then, there are the gentlemen I have met and who I am conversing with. They are all quite unique and I am truly enjoying getting to know them. I know myself well enough to know that I am the type of person that can fall fast and hard and I don't want my heart to overshadow God's will in all of this. So, I pray for wisdom to discern the will of God, again.
In all things, I am grateful. In all things, I will continue forward, praying until I am certain of God's will for us.
In all things, I am grateful. In all things, I will continue forward, praying until I am certain of God's will for us.
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