As chance would have it, yesterday turned into a lovely day. I went to Washington Park. I got to read & write a little, plus enjoy the beautiful loop. I jogged part of the way. On my walk, I also met up with, I believe his name is Peter.... the City of Oak Harbor employee who helped us in our accident last week. I spent quite a few hours there &, in the process, saw the makings of a wedding... I got to drive around & look at houses for a bit. Most especially, I got to spend some quality time with you. =) ♥ I got frustrated at your Papa because I invited him & he said he didn't want to come. Then, he says alone time is good to help calm & center me. I took offense & got irritated because I invited him with me & it was like the glass just became overfilled & everything he did irritated me.. not specifically from yesterday, but just everything... beginning with him telling me in one breath he knows he needs to grow up & then in the next breath being completely immature about something that I had nothing to do with. I became irritated @ the fact that he tells me how bored he is constantly, yet he hasn't really made any attempts to find many job prospects or drop off resumes/ anything else. The total icing on the cake, the part that made my blood boil is that I don't care that he doesn't have a job. I care that he sits there & lectures me on how messy I am, yet he's home all day & I come home to an even bigger mess & he doesn't do anything about it except ask what he can do once I am almost finished. I work all day & then come home to more work. I felt almost guilt for being upset. Like my thoughts & feelings weren't justified. Your Papa already sees his time on the computer as being completely different than sitting in front of a tv or a video game.It took me back to my former marriage for a inute & I became resentful. He tells me I can't be that tired & things like how can I be acting/ walking that funny because it's not like they drew a gallon of my blood or anything.
My frustration comes from the fact that I believe your Papa has a true addiction to the computer. He says it is his only interaction because he doesn't have any friends he can hang out with or talk to... another reason why getting a job is a good option. However, anytime I suggest something, he shoots it down. For instance, I suggested Safeway... they have benefits & they are hiring & they also pay extra for holidays/ weekends, if I remember correctly. Of Les Schwab or Home Depot. All these suggestions he shoots down for one reason or another. I have been fairly exhausted & apparently it is showing. I had several people Friday tell me I looked exhausted.
@ the end of the day, I was able to remember all those things I am grateful for & also to remember that I cannot control others on any way, but I am completely responsible for us... that is, you & me, Kid. I am responsible for how I react to any given situation & I can only control my actions/ reactions. Allowing myself to be so dependent on someone else takes away your rights to a happy & loving & peaceful growing time. You need as many positive energies as I can pass along to you. That is exactly what I intend to do. I promise to give you all of me... & the very best of me that there is. This means that despite others, I continue to listen to my heart I continue to learn & embrace life the very same way I have been living for the past several years. Drawing all things positive from every experience.
As for your Papa & I, we are will figure this out. I love him & I know he loves me. & today, since I adopted my forgotten outlook again, things have been pretty good. I got up & made breakfast... Cinnamon Rolls & an Egg Scramble with Broccoli, Potatoes, & Cheese. This afternoon I got a little light headed because I forgot to bring any snacks to work with me, but I snacked on a noodle soup & a Honey Crisp Apple. Honey Crisps are some of my favorite apples. It was so crunchy & juicy! It wasn't exactly organic, but next week, I'll have to go to the co-op &/ Trader Joe's.
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