Food For Thought

I have had some incredibly interesting conversations with others the past month or so. In addition, I began frequenting the forums on Catholic Match. There are quite often some fairly decent topics. In any case, There was a post about "Fears that keep you single" and I had a follow up about "Concerns you might have about entering into a relationship". I have written in the past, I believe, about how there are mainly two emotions that I believe, drive all action. The first, is fear; the second would be love. I believe that when we understand this, it can help guide us. I believe that if we are aware, we will be more likely to face those fears. It can also give us a deeper insight into who we are, if we choose to learn from it.

Know thyself...Something I whole heartedly believe is that in order to know what we want in life, we have to know who we are. That journey is never ending. As we go through life... the joys, the trials, the heartaches, the highs, and the lows, they mold us, for better or worse, into who we become. We can choose to live with the scars and grow from them or we can wallow and be victims of these experiences.

So, in light of the above, I will address the forum post now, knowing that the fears are legitimate, but also knowing that your fears are healthy, so long as you dont allow them to run your life. FEAR: Face Everything And Recover.

The fears that keep one single...  the original man who posted the question couldn't have hit the nail on the head better if he tried. His first fear was a fear of a major clash of consciences in the relationship. It's such a legitimate concern. For me, knowing that I am a strong person... strong willed, opinionated, hard headed, stubborn, it is a very real concern. My past experiences have taught me that, although men claim they want a strong woman, the reality is, to date, no one has been able to truly handle the strong kind of woman I am. When a clash of consciences presents itself, I don't bow if I have a strong opinion, unless I am presented with a logical argument that can change my mind. It doesn't make me unreasonable, just more thought and judegment driven and less emotionally driven. This is also an area which concerns me greatly because a clash of consciences, depending on the subject, can make or break a relationship. If the subject is Faith, family or politics, and there is a clash, it could rock the foundation or prevent one from even being built. My past has also taught me that. That is one reason I am so unwaivering on Faith in practice or Rite practiced. If we can't agree on that, what chance do we have?

Next up was a fear the other person may not be able to understand me, because my perspective on most everything tends to be odd and complex. Fear the other person wouldn't be willing to accept me for who I am and fear I would be unable to accept the other person. I think they go hand in hand. To say my perspective can be odd and complex is a bit of an understatement , according to those who know me. I am a thinker and an analyzer by nature. I love to be challenged. I push the envelope. I have views that are exactly mine, odd and complex, thought filled, random, brooding, sometimes humorous, quirky, over the top to some, bordering conspiracy to others, plain old whackadoo too. My Faith in practice seems to be different than most, as I have found. Also, my parenting seems to also be unique and that isn't lost on me. I am health conscious, I don't vaccinate, I attend the traditional Latin Mass (the Society of St. Pius X Marian Corps, to be specific), I want to homeschool, I like learning about cars and studying theology and apologetics for fun, I am passionate about health and the human body, I believe Vatican II changed things in the Church, I have an opinion on most things, I love a good debate, I'm part geek and part nerd and for me, I love it and accept it, but, will that other person truly be able to understand me and love and not only accept, but embrace all parts of me? And as for me accepting all of them, I would hope that would be the case, as history has proven that I am a very accepting and forgiving person, however, history has also proven that people change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse... and even sometimes, not at all. If it's for the better, will I be growing alongside that person, moving in the same direction? If for the worse, will I be able to sit by with someone who chooses not to grow? If not at all, is that good enough? And finally, are that last two healthy?

The fear of would I emotionally and intellectually starve in a relationship is also very present. As I consider myself an ever evolving person, would that person be able to keep up? Would they appreciate my insatiable desire for growth and knowledge? Would they be able to emotionally stimulate me to keep moving forward with me? Would we be on the same page... leading each other to Eternal Salvation?

Really, the biggest one for me, the fear of another loving and accepting my littles as they deserve. Will someone love them and appreciate and care for them as if they were their own, because they are so precious and deserve nothing less. In reverse, if I were to meet someone who I ended up bonding with and growing to love, would my babes love and accept them also?